Friday, October 5, 2007

The Chinese Lead Conspiracy

I'm sure others have thought of it. But I'm voicing it here, because millions upon millions of people look at my blog every day. People throughout the galaxy depend on my words of wisdom to get through their pathetic little lives.

*ahem* thanks for reading, dear're the best.

So several months ago a toy recall happened that shook our world to the core. Thomas and Friends Wooden Railway toys! Buddy sleeps with his wooden trains. Seriously. I'll find him in his bed all snuggled up next to James and his tender, or Thomas with Annie and Clarabelle, and little wheel prints on his cheeks. It is so adorable.

Buddy is a trainiac, I am his enabler. It is just so CUTE! I love to watch him push his trains all over his little wooden tracks, and when the train table harshes his mellow, he breaks out and makes his entire room his little own Island of Sodor. WOOO WOOOO

So when I had to dig through all his stuff to see what was recalled, I was less than happy. In fact, you could almost count me among the more severely pissed off moms on the planet. Several engines had been eaten by PeeCircles, and replaced. Those were recalled. I immediately took away James and a few other ones, sent them in for replacement. You want to know sadness? Have a three year old running through the house calling "James, Jaaaaaaammmeessss, where are you? I miss you!!!!" breaks your heart PDQ.

So I think about this some more, as more and more toys have been recalled for lead paint dangers, and it dawns on me.....this is no mistake people!!!!!

Think about it: If you want to overtake a country, if you want to dominate a society which lives far enough away from you that, logistically, it would be a massive undertaking, wouldn't you find a way to come in under the radar?

So if you want to bring down a society, first try it out on their pets. Contaminate their pet foods and see how long it takes them to catch on......

Then contaminate paint on toys.....for years. Brain damage....learning disabilities....behavioral issues.....death.

Hmmm, either it's gross negligence, or something more nefarious. What is a mom to do? Not only did PeeCircles get contaminated pet food, he also ate two toys painted with contaminated paint. That poor dog, no wonder he went off the deep end. Not sure what my dog did to piss off the Powers-that-Be in Beijing, but I'm sure it didn't warrant them plundering his urinary tract and then going after what little brain he had.

So my solution? Don't buy anything foreign made. Go "off paper". I'm constantly threatening Super G with this concept. Burn all our identifying documents, get a cart, a horse and a Coleman three room tent. Go up into the hills and live off the land. Learn to whittle and make Buddy his own trains. Hunt, gather and cook over an open fire. No phone, no lights, no motor car, just us and each other.

But then I'd have to homeschool......and the fantasy ends, abruptly.


gwr said...

Woo-hoo! I got a shout-out on the spousal blog! 8^)

I'm not so sure about the ChiComm conspiracy to weaken, and eventually conquer, us. Occam's Razor (pick the simplest explanation, 'cause it's usually right) seems to apply here -- they had lead paint, they don't have the product safety criteria we do over here, and it's cheap, so let's use it, and screw the consequences. Except that the ChiComm government may execute you as a result of your actions, or you commit "suicide" (shot himself in the head 3 times, that toy guy did... 8^)

But the lead explanation for PeeCircles' psychosis makes so much sense it's scary ...

Dijea said...

I so thought the same thing about the Chinese trying to take over our country. First they get us in huge depression by messing with our pets, then the mess with the children, by the time they attack, we won't know what hit us.

BTW, I'm not nuts, I'm a friend of Becki's.