Monday, November 19, 2007

Bambi, this is why your mamma done died......

Deer are stupid. I've yet to see a smart one. They're like giant 500 pound moths drawn to my headlights.

I was on my way in to work this morning, at 5:30 am, cruising along the country roads, going about 50, when I saw in the ditch, a buck grazing.

So I slowed down considerably, but he seemed to not notice me, until, of course, I was right up on him, and then suddenly he headed to the road.

So I slam on the brakes, steer to the other side of the road and brace for impact. I also screamed "Oh SHIT!" but fortunately, I did not actually DO that.

The ABS kicked in and I found myself at a stop, nearly touching Bambi's imbecile cousin.....Dumbi?

He looked at me, I looked at him. His big dark eyes were staring into my headlights, glazed by some secret voice that calls only to deer that truly, madly, deeply want to commit suicide.

Then he blinked, and slowly walked back to the ditch and continued his grazing.

Dear Central Ohio Hunters: Please hunt down and kill this stupid sonofabitch. No one deserves to have their day started like this. He's a menace to the gene pool and needs to be eliminated, post haste. He had a nice rack on him, he's ready to be steaks. Thanks so much!

This begins the second week of no solid foods. I'm having a hard time of it now that I have to serve food to the kids. Today, I sucked the juice out of polish sausages, and took one of Buddy's chicken nuggets, chewed it up into a fine past then spit it out. This sucks! And making Thanksgiving dinner, when I can't eat any of it (except maybe drink the gravy) is cruel at best.

I understand the reasoning behind the full liquid diet, but give me an appetite suppressant, or dope me up or something. I'm not in a good mood when I'm STARVING, and I'm STARVING right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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