My letter to AEP, as requested by some tree hugger

I posted this to Facebook in June, but then realized that not all the people I know are on Facebook, so to share with the world.....taaadaaaa!!!!!

My door was open, so she didn't see the "go away" sign. This little girl asking me to join her cause of getting AEP to clean up it's coal fired plant somewhere in Ohio. blah blah blah. I signed it. Then she asked me to write a letter to the CEO of AEP on their behalf, have it taped to my door at 8pm tonight. HA! like I have time for this crap. So I wrote a letter, which I will re-type here (it was handwritten)) as I'm sure it won't get to the CEO....

Dear Michael Morris, Chairman and CEO, AEP

Today was a humid and miserable day. My house was full of hot and miserable children, whining over who got to play the Wii next. Except for the two year old, who was just whining. I had my front door open, waiting for the parents of three of those kids to show up. Because of this, my "NO SOLICITING, SOYLENT GREEN FACTORY" sign was not visible.

The most adorable, bright-eyed, true-believer named Claudia appeared on my doorstep. I just could not crush her spirit as she was out in this oppressive heat and she was so passionate about her cause. I listened as she told me about how AEP has until 2015 to clean up or replace the Muskingum River Power Plant. I don't know if she is from that area, but her care for the people and environment in that area was worn on her fresh and enthusiastic face.

I'm from Nebraska, however, and couldn't really give a cow's booty about the Muskingum Power Plant. I don't even know where that is. She asked me to write you a letter. I'm a busy person. I don't even have time to pee by myself without doing 5000 other things. In fact, I'm using time set aside to go buy a new bra just to write this letter to you. I really need a new bra, but the thought of crushing Claudia's spirit took precedence over my breasts, which are a lost cause anyway.

So, here it goes: Please do what is required of you in the 2007 lawsuit settlement. Procrastination is an ugly habit to get into. Take my advice, get workin' on this now. Let the environmentalist whackos know what you are doing along the way so sweet girls like Claudia can stop walking the streets and get out into the corporate world, where her spirit can be properly crushed.

As far as what to replace coal with, I really don't know. Nuclear, biofuel, millions of hamsters on millions of wheels, it makes no difference to me as long as my house can stay meat-locker cold in the summer, I'm happy. I would avoid wind power, besides all the birds that die in high speed propeller collisions, what happens when the wind stops blowing? I've seen it happen as I drove across Iowa, so I have to wonder about that.

I hope this letter finds you doing what you were court ordered to do. Now I'm going to start working my second job. I hope you appreciate the sacrifice my tatas made for you tonight.

Amy Rapp

I doubt she will pass that letter along, but hey, I wrote one for her!